I know using weapons and gimmick matches for no reason is considered dirty by some, but if the matches in TLC were just straight up wrestling matches… I can’t say I’d be too excited for this Pay Per View. It’s also a hard show for me to predict, because a lot of the matches were born from Survivor Series fallout rather than through feuds or storylines of their own. For instance, why is Rowan facing Big Show in a Stairs Match when Ryback is facing Kane in a Chairs Match? Those elements could be all flipped around and it wouldn’t make a difference. Maybe I’m expecting too much, but after NXT Takeover REvolution, I know the WWE can do better. Enough with the chit chat, let’s dive in to the predictions!

Eric Rowan vs. The Big Show in a Stairway to Nothin’ Match
One of my pet peeves in wrestling is when a wrestler can’t act out his gimmick. If someone is billed as a dancer they better be able to dance, and if Tom Phillips is going to tell me that Rowan is a super genius that can play the guitar, Eric better start strummin’ his way to the ring while reciting pi to a hundred digits or so. Anyway, I think Rowan will be winning in order to help start his singles career strong. Big Show’s role as of late is plugging up the holes in the card wherever they need him, and right now he needs to make Rowan look good.

Tag Team Overflow Match: A New Day vs. Gold and Stardust
Even though there are rumors that Vince has already soured on A (The?) New Day, I’m still predicting that they will win. I don’t think that Xavier, Kofi, and Big E.’s stable has a lot going for it right now, but they deserve at least one big victory before they’re completely given up on.

Dean Ambrose vs. Bray Wyatt in a Tables, Ladders, (and in memory of) Chairs match
Aren’t TLC matches supposed to have something hanging over the ladder? Dean and Bray’s match at Survivor Series ended up being a big tease for this show, so I’m glad to finally see it pay off. It’s usually hard to predict Wyatt’s matches because he doesn’t seem to care about winning and wants people to hit him with chairs, but this time Ambrose has gotten under his skin. I actually really like that we’re seeing this aggressive side of Wyatt now that his chair’s broken. While I hope Ambrose pulls out the victory, I officially predict that Wyatt will win in order to keep him looking strong for Wrestlemania season.

Ryback vs. Kane in a Chairs Match
Ryback will win. What else is there to say?

Because It Was So Good The First Time? Rusev vs. Jack Swagger
So I guess Rusev already made his way through the whole midcard now and is finally back around to Jack Swagger. Swagger couldn’t beat him the first time and I don’t think Zeb’s brokety leg is going to make him do any better this time. Rusev for the win.

Luke Harper vs. Dolph Ziggler for the Intercontinental Championship in a Ladder Match
As much as I enjoyed Dolph’s win at Survivor Series, if he was able to beat Harper, Rollins, and Kane in a row then he should have no problem wiping out Harper now. While my gut tells me not to bet money on Ziggler winning, I’m still predicting Dolph will walk away with the gold.

Nikki Bella vs. AJ Lee in a Loser Walks CM Punk to the Octagon Match
I feel confident in predicting that Nikki will win. Everyone’s saying that AJ’s going to leave soon, and I’m inclined to believe it. I say this every time I do predictions, but, unlike most of the internet, I don’t actively hate the Bellas. Well, I DO hate that Brie and Nikki are suddenly friends again after that major feud that they had. I think that Nikki will be a fine heel Divas champ for whoever is the next person to face her though.

No Gimmicks Needed for the Tag Team Titles: The Miz and Damien Mizdow vs. The Usos
I’m probably the only person on the planet that enjoys the drama of Miz trying to get into the Usos’ heads by talking with Naomi. I don’t know, it’s just nice to have some additional storyline between these teams beyond them just wanting the titles. I predict Miz and Mizdow will win and go on to feud with A New Day. Maybe there will be some interference with Naomi? Maybe not.

John Cena vs. Seth Rollins in a Tables Match
Out of all the Pay Per Views to not feature the World Title being defended, I feel it the most in this one. Is this match the main event? Are any of the feuds at this show strong enough to be a main event? I don’t feel like this one is, even with the stipulation about Cena losing his “number one contender” status. I predict that Cena will win, of course. I liked Seth’s promo from Smackdown about wanting to beat Cena to prove he’s the future, but at the same time I wish he was going to get something more out of it if he wins.

So there’s Tables, Ladders, Chairs … and Stairs in a nutshell. It’s a pretty loaded show with nine matches announced, although there will undoubtedly be at least one on the preshow. Maybe this will cut down on the amount of filler material and impromptu matches, like anything involving Adam Rose’s Bunny. Should we consider ourselves lucky that the WWE didn’t parody that Furry Convention poisoning with the Exotic Express and The Bunny? Yes, I think so.