This is it, the moment we’ve all waited for! Wrestlemania 32! A year’s worth of pro wrestling all culminating in one grand spectacle. Despite a pile of wrestlers being out with injuries, there are still a whopping eleven matches scheduled for the Showcase of the Immortals! So who will win big at the Grandaddy of them all? Who is most likely to come out on top at the Show of Shows? Am I just making some of these nicknames up? Let’s find out!

The Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Winners of TATGMBR have gone on to do amazing things, like win the tag titles and appear on Stone Cold’s podcast, so there’s tons of anticipation for this year’s edition! Honestly, I get the point of this match. It’s to get as many talents as possible on the Wrestlemania card! So while I can’t say I’m excited for it, I’ll at least try and be happy for the Ascension. As for who will win, well, the Wyatt Family has been cut in half due to injuries, so I’m guessing Big Red and Babyface Braun will be a dominant force in it, leading to Strowman picking up the win.
Who will win: Braun Strowman

The Usos vs. The Dudley Boyz
The WWE’s least silly tag teams duke it out in the preshow! Why? Because the Dudleys are tired of being seen as a table breaking nostalgia act, whereas the Usos just love to have fun and support their family! It doesn’t make a lot of sense, and it seems like there could’ve been a better story thrown into this other than Bubba and Devon occasionally picking on Roman Reigns. While it could go either way, most nostalgia acts have been brought back to put over younger talent (though the Usos have been around for six years), so I’m picking the Usos to win and go on to another year of being stale-ass babyfaces!
Who will win: The Usos

The Total Divas (Brie, Paige, Natalya, Alicia, and Eva) vs. B.A.D. and Blonde (Naomi, Tamina, Lana, Emma, and Summer Rae)
It’s hard to go against a team named after a show. Look, I haven’t been paying rapt attention to this feud, so I’m claiming ignorance on why Naomi and Summer, two former stars of “Total Divas”, are fighting against the actual Total Divas team. Maybe it’s because they’re not featured enough? I just don’t know. I’m glad they’re all getting to have this match, even if it’s not on the real show. In all of the excitement over Charlotte, Sasha, and Becky getting called up, these women definitely didn’t come out of the Divas Revolution looking too good, so it’s nice that they get a match with (hopefully) less of a chance of getting bumped.
Who will win: Total Divas

Kalisto vs. Ryback for the US Title
I’m not sure what’s going on with Ryback lately. While I don’t really think Ryan Reeves, the man behind the character, is phoning it in, it sure feels like the actual Ryback persona has gone from “big dumb guy” to “sorta aware of what’s going on, but not really concerned about it guy”. He’s just rambling about superhero movies and junk. I hope when the bell rings Ryback kicks it into an aggressive high gear, dominating most of the match. I think Kalisto’s a great talent though, and ultimately I see him pulling out a win, setting him up to be the WWE’s next big mask salesman.
Who will win: Kalisto

And it’s Time for the Actual Start of the Show

The New Day vs. The League of Nations in a four on three Handicap Match
The WWE’s silliest teams duke it out on the main show! Initially this match was for the Tag Team titles, but I guess that was changed after WWE realized that no one would believe the League had a shot at winning them. I was a bit harsh on this feud in my last bout of predictions, and I’ll admit that all of the goofiness is entertaining, but I just wish there was just the tiniest hint of a storyline involved in this long running feud. When The League was first formed The New Day was celebrating beside them and now they’re fighting each other! Why? Because… New Day Rocks? I’m hoping WWE pulls out all the stops for The New Day entrance though, maybe with a marching band full of Francescas.
Who will win: The New Day

Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder (thanks, Neville!), vs. Sin Cara vs. The Miz vs. Stardust
When the Money in the Bank ladder match was moved from Wrestlemania to its own Pay Per View back in 2010, I definitely mourned its loss. While having a giant cluster of a ladder match for the Intercontinental Championship isn’t quite the same, it still gives Wrestlemania a match that feels special and lets a bunch of wrestlers get involved with it. I think this match will be amazing though, and I can’t wait to see how Owens wins it. While I suppose someone else could win, most of the other guys in the match are either damaged goods or haven’t proven themselves on the main roster yet (okay, maybe that only applies to Sami).
Who will win: Kevin Owens

AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho
While not everyone I know is a big fan of this feud, I’ve really enjoyed the whole thing, from their begrudging friendship all the way to Jericho’s heel turn. I love heel Jericho. Love it. I definitely would’ve prefered to see some wrinkle added to this tenth (twelfth? Fourth?) match of theirs, like a stipulation or a third person, seeing that it’s another singles match makes me even more interested to see how they change it up. There is little doubt in my mind that AJ will win, setting him off on a good path for his WWE career.
Who will win: AJ Styles

Charlotte (with her dad) vs. Becky Lynch vs. Sasha Banks
I’ve been hoping for this match ever since the three of them were called up, and now that it’s finally here, I couldn’t be happier. I just can’t believe WWE didn’t shoehorn a Bella into it or turn it into a tag team match. I’m looking through Wikipedia to try and find the last time the Divas title was even defended at Wrestlemania, and it looks like the only other time in the last ten years was at Wrestlemania 30 in a quick “Vickie Guerrero Invitational”. Before that it was all giant battle royals or ten person tag matches. So yeah, this triple threat is kind of a big deal. I’m really hoping it gets plenty of time and Sasha comes out of it looking like a boss.
Who will win: Sasha Banks

Dean Ambrose vs. Brock Lesnar in a No Holds Barred Match
I really like Dean and I’m growing fond of Brock, but I’m just not sure how this match is going to work out. Dean’s going to bring all of these weapons with him, but then won’t Brock be able to use them too? Also I think even Jojo would have a pretty decent shot at beating Brock Lesnar if he was bare handed and she had a chainsaw. Honestly I could see this match going either way, but ultimately Dean is poised to become one of the WWE’s major stars in the future, and honestly the loss wouldn’t hurt Brock any, so I think Dean will be able to win, chainsaw or no.
Who will win: Dean Ambrose

Shane McMahon vs. The Undertaker for control of Raw (if Shane wins) and for the Undertaker’s career (if Shane wins) and for Shane’s lineage as a McMahon (if Undertaker wins) and, oh yeah, it’s in a Hell in a Cell
I really want to see the last five minutes of this match. The rest of it I don’t really care about. I don’t need to see twenty minutes of Undertaker beating the crap out of Shane as the announcers gush over how determined Shane is to win. I don’t need to see Shane getting the advantage on Undertaker, finding moments to beat him down despite being a middle aged businessman. Look, when I have issues with part timers who at least still train and stay in shape like The Rock and The Undertaker, I definitely have a real problem with a part timer who trains in MMA a couple of months before his fight and suddenly can go toe to toe with one of the biggest names in wrestling.

I am really interested in the result though, especially since there are so many rumors about a brand split. What I think will happen is Vince and Steph will be gloating at ringside when Taker and Shane realize that they should be fighting them instead (plot of every superhero vs. superhero story ever). The problem is that in wrestling you need a winner and a loser and in this case I think Undertaker will purposefully lose to Shane, screwing over Vince in the process. I have a really hard time imagining Taker losing, but an even harder time imagining all of these stipulations based around Shane winning not paying off.
Who will win: Shane McMahon

Roman Reigns vs. Triple H for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
I’m just writing predictions about Wrestlemania and this show has already worn me out! I’m not sure how Triple H and Roman will entertain the fans after sitting through five or so hours of wrestling (including preshow matches and fanfare). Even though Shane vs. Undertaker has higher stakes, I still think this match will end the show. It’s for the title AND it has the next John Cena in it, so, yeah, it’s pretty important. As for who will win, it’s obviously Roman. I don’t really predict any swerves, turns, double turns, or anything else- I think WWE is going to stay the course the same way they did when Triple H put over Cena at Wrestlemania 22.
Who will win: Roman Reigns

So that’s Wrestlemania 32! While many have said that this looks like a terrible Wrestlemania, I’m still looking forward to several things, like the Divas Championship match, the ladder match, seeing if there is a brand split, Dean vs. Brock, AJ vs. Jericho, and hopefully The New Day riding out on unicorns. The main event, not so much, but I won’t let it ruin the rest of the show for me.