This upcoming weekend features the biggest WWE show of the year and for once it actually feels like the biggest WWE show of the year! Usually I look at the Wrestlemania card and just see untapped potential, but thanks to some big matches, debuts, and long, ongoing feuds, Wrestlemania 34 truly feels like a proper bookend to a bunch of WWE’s storylines. But who will win and lose? Let me tell you (guess) with my predictions!

NXT Takeover: New Orleans

NXT Tag Team Championship Match: The Undisputed Era vs. The Authors of Pain vs. Roderick Strong and Pete Dunne
WWE has put a lot into the Undisputed Era and, injury to Fish aside, I’m guessing they move forward with the tag team of Cole and O’Reilly. It seems like the Authors of Pain have been ripe for a callin’ up for a while now and I just can’t get into thrown together tag teams like Strongly Dunne, so I have to pick Undisputed Era to retain.
Who will win: The Undisputed Era

NXT North American Championship Match: Adam Cole vs. EC3 vs. Killian Dain vs. Lars Sullivan vs. Ricochet vs. Velveteen Dream
While I’m really not sure what this title is supposed to be about given that the men of NXT can already fight for the World, UK, and tag team titles (seriously, we couldn’t get Women’s tag titles first?), this match will be amazing. I’m so glad to finally see EC3 and Ricochet in NXT and I’m hoping one of these two will win it. I’m officially picking EC3 to win though, mostly because winning gold in his first NXT match (who’s Derrick Bateman?) would be a great way to kick off his cocky, heelish career.
Who will win: EC3

NXT Women’s Championship Match: Ember Moon vs. Shayna Baszler
When Ember debuted I was 100% on board, but after her multiple loses to Asuka (and only winning the title once Asuka left) I think she may be due for a repackaging. The grizzled MMA vet Shayna Baszler on the other hand has been a breath of fresh air in a division stuffed with peppy underdogs so I’m thinking she’s going to win while Ember gets some time off.
Who will win: Shayna Baszler

NXT Championship Match: Aleister Black vs. Zelina Vega (with Andrade Cien Almas)
As much as I’ve loved seeing Andrade win the championship, his title run has felt more like a story about how great Zelina Vega was at turning him around than anything else. I’m kind of expecting them to get called up soon, so I’m going with the always amazing Aleister Black on this one.
Who will win: Aleister Black

Johnny Gargano vs. Tommaso Ciampa
I’m not sure why Johnny’s fighting to go back to NXT when everyone else who gets fired goes straight to the main roster, but I won’t let that detail keep me from enjoying what will probably be the best match of the weekend. These two have proved themselves time and time again and made this the biggest feud in NXT, so I have no doubt that Takeover will close with Johnny’s hand held high.
Who will win: Johnny Gargano

Wrestlemania 34

WrestleMania Women’s Battle Royal
It’s tough to predict the winner of the women’s battle royal knowing how pointless winning the men’s battle royal has become, but I guess it’s not about the winner as much as seeing a bunch of wrestlers hit their spots. I’m guessing Bayley and Sasha will be the final two since they’re the only ones with a feud going into this match. It could go either way, but I’ll pick Bayley to win.
Who will win: Bayley

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Who will join the likes of Cesaro, Big Show, Baron Corbin, and Mojo Rawley? Other than Big Show, it seems like WWE likes to give the trophy to an upcoming star that they quickly give up on, so… Big Cass. Isn’t he due back soon?
Who will win: Big Cass

Cruiserweight Championship Match: Mustafa Ali vs. Cedric Alexander
I’m all in on WWE’s new and improved 205 Live and I hope the New Orleans crowd is too. These guys have some of the best matches on their regular Tuesday night show but the crowd rarely makes noise, so it would be great to hear the whole Superdome cheering for them. I could see this going either way, but I’m guessing Mustafa wins because… well, I just want him to.
Who will win: Mustafa Ali

United States Championship Match: Randy Orton vs. Bobby Roode vs. Jinder Mahal vs. Rusev
Unless WWE wants to relive “Yestlemania 29” but with “Rusev Day” chants, Rusev will win.
Who will win: Ruuuuuusev DAAAAAAYYYYY!

Intercontinental Championship Match: The Miz vs. Finn Balor vs Seth Rollins
I wouldn’t be surprised to see Miz get some time off after Wrestlemania to spend with his new daughter, so I think either Finn or Seth is bringing the gold home. Seth appears to be on more of a hot streak since that gauntlet match last February, so I’m guessing he wins it.
Who will win: Seth Rollins

Smackdown Tag Team Championship Match: The Usos vs. the Bludgeon Bros. vs. the New Day
As much as I like and appreciate the New Day and the Usos I see the Bludgeon Bros. winning this one and I’m kind of okay with it. I’m not really into their gimmick, but the Usos and New Day have been running the tag division for so long it’s nice to have a new team come in and be a threat.
Who will win: The Bludgeon Bros.

Raw Tag Team Championship Match: The Bar vs. Braun Strowman and ???
Braun Strowman will definitely win, we just don’t know who his partner will be. It’s kind of being set up as a joke because he doesn’t need a partner, so I’m guessing a comedy jobber like Curt Hawkins, Heath Slater (sorry Rhyno), or a returning James Ellsworth. Maybe Elias if he isn’t in the battle royal. Big Show possibly? Maybe Mark Henry. It will definitely be on of those six if not someone else. Either way I’m thinking the Monster Among Men wins the belts.
Who will win: Braun Strowman and ???

Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon vs. Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn
I could see this storyline going a lot of different ways with just about everyone turning on everyone else, so it’s tough to call a winner. I can’t see Bryan losing his return match or turning heel, but I also don’t think Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn are getting “fired” even if they just go to Raw. Ultimately I think Owens and Zayn not getting fired wins priority, so I’m guessing they win and Shane crumples into a pile of herniated diverticulitis.
Who will win: Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn

Kurt Angle and Ronda Rousey vs. Triple H and Stephanie McMahon
I’ve tried to keep an open mind about this match, but it’s hard for me to get excited about it. Triple H and Kurt Angle fighting in 2018 is enough to turn me away, but adding in Stephanie McMahon and the newcomer Ronda Rousey only makes it worse. I’m sure there will be fun moments where Ronda chases Stephanie around the ring or where Steph makes a goofy “Ruh roh” face when Ronda blocks a slap, but other than a dramatic finish where Triple H and Stephanie tap out at the same time, I’m not sure what to look forward to.
Who will win: Kurt Angle and Ronda Rousey

Smackdown Women’s Championship Match: Charlotte vs. Asuka
I think this is it. This is where Asuka’s streak comes to an end, and as a big fan of hers I’m totally fine with it. It’s got to end sometime and it may as well be at the biggest show they have. I don’t think she’s losing it to Charlotte though, but rather Carmella when she cashes in her Money in the Bank briefcase.
Who will win: Carmella

Raw Women’s Championship Match: Alexa Bliss vs. Nia Jax
Nia just turned babyface not that long ago and I think WWE loves Alexa fat shaming Nia too much to have the title change now. This feud is just getting started and honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if this is a quick match with a wonky DQ finish.
Who will win: Nia by DQ

John Cena vs. the Undertaker:
What I wouldn’t give to have seen this match a few years ago! While the storyline of Cena worrying about his Wrestlemania spot while also not wanting to take a spot away from other superstars has left me cold, his insults about the Undertaker have definitely made me want to see the Deadman kick his ass. While I haven’t been impressed with Undertaker’s matches for many years, I think Cena will give him a great match and put ‘Taker over for his last Wrestlemania match. Until next year.
Who will win: The Undertaker

Smackdown WWE Championship Match: AJ Styles vs. Shinsuke Nakamura
This is the match everyone’s looking forward to! I’ve enjoyed the build up to it with AJ getting caught up in all of the General Manager and Commissioner mess while Shinsuke plays it cool as a cat. While I would normally expect AJ Styles to win given how much he connects with the crowd, his leg injury makes me think he’ll be taking some time off after Sunday.
Who will win: Shinsuke Nakamura

Raw Universal Championship Match: Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns
For the last year we’ve known how Wrestlemania 34 would end- with Roman beating Brock for the title. Sure, the year would’ve been more interesting if Samoa Joe or Braun Strowman could’ve gotten a win over Brock in there somewhere, but that just wasn’t in the cards. I’m past ready for Brock to return to UFC and never come back.
Who will win: Roman Reigns

Wow, that’s a lot of matches! And other than a couple I think they’ll all be pretty damn good. I don’t know how accurate my predictions will be given that I’m predicting just about every title to change hands, but it would make for a fun Wrestlemania regardless. So what do you, dear reader, think? Am I way off on these?