It’s that time of year again! No, I’m not talking about the Road to Wrestlemania, I’m talking about Valentines Day, the holiday that goes from Halloween-lite when your a kid to a soul crushing awareness of being single when you’re an adult. The Halloween-lite phase is pretty great though because not only do you get candy but you also get to collect a bunch of fun Valentines with your favorite TV show characters. Back in my day it was Ninja Turtles and X-Men and for today’s kids it’s Ninja Turtles and Guardians of the Galaxy. What a world we live in!

When browsing through Aldi the other day my wife and I happened to spy another Valentine’s option: WWE thumb wrestling Valentines! A few dollars later we ran back home to unbox them!

The first thing you notice when looking at the box isn’t the poorly timed Dean Ambrose picture or lack of women, but the big warning at the bottom letting you know not to apply it near your eyes. So if you were hoping to put a John Cena temporary tattoo on your eyeball so you can see him all the time, you’ll have to go somewhere else


Once inside the box you’ll see the mix of half hearted puns and generic Valentines phrases on the cards. Roman’s card says “You Reign Valentine,” but the rest of the Shield is stuck with “Happy Valentine’s Day to you!” and “You are a winner, Valentine!” which would work on any other Valentine’s card set. They couldn’t come up with “I’m Rollin’ in your love, Valentine!” or “I’m a lunatic for your love, Valentine!”?

Let’s be honest though, no one’s buying these for the cards, they’re doing it for thumb wrestling and temporary tattoos! The tattoo image quality ranges from awkwardly cropped in (Sasha) to fantastic (Big E). I did notice one big change though… While there was a Roman Reigns card, there was an AJ Styles tattoo instead of a Roman Reigns one! Was some smark in charge of the tattoos and decided to switch Roman out for AJ? Were they just halfway paying attention and decided to throw any long haired bearded dude out there? I don’t know what the reason was, but Roman’s catchphrase of “One versus All” never fit better.

While the tattoos looked decent (if a little miscolored) when applied, when checking to see if they hold up in battle…

DIRTY DEEDS! Maybe Seth’s tattoo is injury prone or my dry skin just didn’t want to hold the tattoo well enough, but either way I unfortunately can’t recommend this product in my wrestling webcomic/wrestling Valentine’s Day card review blog. I’m sorry. Of course today is Valentine’s Day, so you’ve probably already bought all your Valentines cards or are way, way past the age of buying Valentines cards, but just in case you were thinking of picking these up I’d remember this chilling image: