Randy Orton Week- The Rides of Viperville!
Viperville is open to the public, and I should point out that the figures to the left of these posts are the official mascots of Viperville that walk around the park, shake hands with babies, and RKO grandmothers. Yesterday was Randy himself, and today we have Rini Orton, his on again off again wife!
Today’s tour of Viperville brings us to the rides! Fans come from all over the country to ride the Legacy Coaster or experience the Headlock Experience, so let’s see what’s in store for them!
Randy Orton’s Headlock Experience gives fans the authentic experience of being locked into one of the Viper’s patented heat-generating headlocks! Visitors are treated to what’s been described as a “boring, yet restful” time, complete with two park employees right outside of the exit, ready to explain to visitors that “it’s supposed to be boring, because he’s a heel!”
The Legacy Coaster lives up to Randy Orton’s stable that it was named after by starting off strong but ultimately being unable to ever get over the first climb in the track. The disappointing, yet accurate experience will leave fans stuck in the air for twenty to thirty minutes, depending on how long it takes the fire department to get out there.
The Tunnel of Love Experience is a special treat for couples who happen to be fans of Randy Orton’s romantic exploits! The classic segment between Randy Orton, Triple H, and Stephanie McMahon leading up to Wrestlemania 25 is recreated, as one of the visiting lovebirds is handcuffed to one side of their boat while the other is knocked unconscious and kissed by Randy Orton! Well it’s really a lifelike model of Randy Orton, but you never know when he’ll be stopping by the park!
In the park’s newest attraction, The Summerslam 2016 Experience, Orton fans will find themselves experiencing just was it was like to go through the Viper’s classic main event with Brock Lesnar! Visitors will board a boat and set course through the mind of Randy Orton. Just when everything seems safe, Brock Lesnar will attack, sending fans gushing down to the pool of blood below! You may get splashed, so be sure to pick up a Randy Orton Poncho before getting in line!
I wonder if Viperville ever does a Bob Orton week. “Come on down and get a free cotton candy in the shape of that pink cast Dad used to wear… RKO.”
They absolutely should!
The SummerSlam experience used to be the “Bob Orton almost gives Taker Hep C” ride until it was repurposed.
The Headlock Experience used to just be a tape of Bob Orton squash matches on repeat. The headlocks were so the viewer couldn’t turn to watch anything else.
I’m completely sold on this park.
I admit that I don’t get the “Bragging Rights 2009 Pyro” joke.
somehow your cartoon of the Summerslam 2016 experience looks more brutal than the actual one