Last month I posted embarrassingly optimistic predictions for the Royal Rumble. And I’m not sorry; I don’t regret it. We, the fans of WWE (and more specifically Daniel Bryan), have been given false hope for about half a year now, and last month was clearly the right time for everything to turn around. While things didn’t work out that way, I’ve learned from my mistakes and now have grown to make more realistic predictions. I’ve grown as a person. On to the show!

The Rhodes’ vs. Rybaxel
This preshow match is tough for me to call, mainly because I don’t think the outcome will significantly affect the teams either way. But if I had to put money down on a winner I’d say Rybaxel, mainly because I think there is still a chance that a Cody vs. Goldust match will take place at Wrestlemania and a loss here would serve as a decent reason for it.

Tag Team Title Match: The Usos vs. The New Age Outlaws
I’m thinking the Outlaws will retain and go on to defend their titles against at Wrestlemania in a multi-team match of some kind.

Titus O’Neil vs. Darren Young
I was surprised when they broke this team up right before Wrestlemania. Unlike the Rhodes’, I don’t really see a place for them in the Wrestlemania card, so I’m not sure what they’ll be doing for the next month leading up to it. I’m predicting Titus to win though, mainly because he fits the WWE’s “big man” quota better. I’m expecting both men to bring their A game to this match though, with both of them no doubt wanting to start out their single’s career with a bang.

Intercontinental Championship match: Big E vs. Jack Swagger
For whatever reason, the WWE seems to be pushing towards a rift between Swagger and Zeb (whoever would come out as the face in that feud, I’m not sure), so I’m picking Big E. to win.

Batista vs. Del Rio
Y’know, at this point in the predictions I’m kind of wondering why I’m buying this Pay Per View at all. Four matches in and there hasn’t been a single one that feels “must see”. Hell, if most of these were on Raw for free I still probably wouldn’t pay attention to them. But for this match I’m predicting Batista to win, and it’s not a hard call. WWE needs to do something to help Batista out now that they’ve, y’know, thrown him in the main event of Wrestlemania 30. Toss the kid a bone or something to help him get over with the crowd.

The Shield vs. They Wyatt Family
This match, along with the main event, sells the whole pay per view for me. Much like the rest of the world, I’m predicting the Wyatts to win and serve as the catalyst to break up the Shield, who will go on to a triple threat match at Wrestlemania. The opportunity for this kind of match where you see two equally powerful teams, both of them heel, neither having any history of matches with each other, going up against each other is rare, and worth seeing in my opinion. Who will the crowd cheer for? Which Shield member will turn on the others? Will Bray Wyatt do his creepy crabwalk? So many questions that need to be answered!

Elimination Chamber match for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship:
Randy Orton vs. John Cena vs. Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Cesaro vs. Christian

At the start of these predictions I mentioned that I’ve grown as a predictor of pay per views, and this is where it shows: I predict that Randy Orton will win. A month ago I would’ve said that Bryan will win to go into the main event of Wrestlemania 30, but I know better now. And, to be honest, I’d rather see him in a match with Triple H at Mania rather than be in the main event and lose. Win or lose, a match with authority figure Triple H would cap off the end of his Wrestlemania year better than winning the title anyway. I think this match will be good no matter what though, considering the participants. Even though I see Orton as the only one with a chance of winning, the rest of the group will undoubtedly put on a great show.

So there you go. I doubt there will be many surprises for the show- I imagine that most of them will be saved for tomorrow’s stacked episode of Raw. I think rather than “Elimination Chamber 2014 Predictions” this blog should have been entitled “Why I think $60 is a Fair Price for a Pay Per View Where I’m Only Interested in a Third of the Matches”. I wonder how that title would fair for SEO.