I hope I go down in history for being the first person to draw an x-ray of Batista’s testicles. Not that it’s an accomplishment I really want to be known for, but it would be nice to go down in history for SOMETHING.
Last month I posted embarrassingly optimistic predictions for the Royal Rumble. And I’m not sorry; I don’t regret it. We, the fans of WWE (and more specifically Daniel Bryan), have been given false hope for about half a year now, and last month was clearly the right time for everything to turn around. While things didn’t work out that way, I’ve learned from my mistakes and now have grown to make more realistic predictions. I’ve grown as a person. On to the show!
The Rhodes’ vs. Rybaxel
This preshow match is tough for me to call, mainly because I don’t think the outcome will significantly affect the teams either way. But if I had to put money down on a winner I’d say Rybaxel, mainly because I think there is still a chance that a Cody vs. Goldust match will take place at Wrestlemania and a loss here would serve as a decent reason for it.
Tag Team Title Match: The Usos vs. The New Age Outlaws
I’m thinking the Outlaws will retain and go on to defend their titles against at Wrestlemania in a multi-team match of some kind.
Titus O’Neil vs. Darren Young
I was surprised when they broke this team up right before Wrestlemania. Unlike the Rhodes’, I don’t really see a place for them in the Wrestlemania card, so I’m not sure what they’ll be doing for the next month leading up to it. I’m predicting Titus to win though, mainly because he fits the WWE’s “big man” quota better. I’m expecting both men to bring their A game to this match though, with both of them no doubt wanting to start out their single’s career with a bang.
Intercontinental Championship match: Big E vs. Jack Swagger
For whatever reason, the WWE seems to be pushing towards a rift between Swagger and Zeb (whoever would come out as the face in that feud, I’m not sure), so I’m picking Big E. to win.
Batista vs. Del Rio
Y’know, at this point in the predictions I’m kind of wondering why I’m buying this Pay Per View at all. Four matches in and there hasn’t been a single one that feels “must see”. Hell, if most of these were on Raw for free I still probably wouldn’t pay attention to them. But for this match I’m predicting Batista to win, and it’s not a hard call. WWE needs to do something to help Batista out now that they’ve, y’know, thrown him in the main event of Wrestlemania 30. Toss the kid a bone or something to help him get over with the crowd.
The Shield vs. They Wyatt Family
This match, along with the main event, sells the whole pay per view for me. Much like the rest of the world, I’m predicting the Wyatts to win and serve as the catalyst to break up the Shield, who will go on to a triple threat match at Wrestlemania. The opportunity for this kind of match where you see two equally powerful teams, both of them heel, neither having any history of matches with each other, going up against each other is rare, and worth seeing in my opinion. Who will the crowd cheer for? Which Shield member will turn on the others? Will Bray Wyatt do his creepy crabwalk? So many questions that need to be answered!
Elimination Chamber match for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship:
Randy Orton vs. John Cena vs. Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Cesaro vs. Christian
At the start of these predictions I mentioned that I’ve grown as a predictor of pay per views, and this is where it shows: I predict that Randy Orton will win. A month ago I would’ve said that Bryan will win to go into the main event of Wrestlemania 30, but I know better now. And, to be honest, I’d rather see him in a match with Triple H at Mania rather than be in the main event and lose. Win or lose, a match with authority figure Triple H would cap off the end of his Wrestlemania year better than winning the title anyway. I think this match will be good no matter what though, considering the participants. Even though I see Orton as the only one with a chance of winning, the rest of the group will undoubtedly put on a great show.
So there you go. I doubt there will be many surprises for the show- I imagine that most of them will be saved for tomorrow’s stacked episode of Raw. I think rather than “Elimination Chamber 2014 Predictions” this blog should have been entitled “Why I think $60 is a Fair Price for a Pay Per View Where I’m Only Interested in a Third of the Matches”. I wonder how that title would fair for SEO.
I both hate and love predicting wrestling shows. I hate it because I’m usually wrong on all of them, but on the other hand if I get one match right I feel like a wrestling savant. It’s hard to not guess who the winner of the Royal Rumble will be though. Every year the Rumble is one of the most fun pay per view events, and this year looks to be no different. Actually I think it’s going to be even better this year with there only being one world title. While the World Title unification had its fair share of critics, I think the Royal Rumble is way more interesting now that you KNOW the winner is going to be in the ‘Mania main event. Not like the opener “main event” for the World Heavyweight Title, but they will close the show, or at least close to the end.
Anyway, on to the matches:
WWE Tag Team Championship match:
The Rhodes Brothers vs. The New Age Outlaws
I’m thinking that the Rhodes’ are a lock to retain their titles for this one. While I wouldn’t mind the Outlaws winning, I kind of see their place in the WWE right now as being a way to help the younger guys get better, not to look good themselves. Kind of like being tag jobbers to the stars. I hope they keep wrestling though, as they add a lot to the division.
Brock Lesnar vs. The Big Show
I think this one is kind of a no-brainer with Brock winning. Whether it’s facing the Undertaker, fighting for the title, or whatever, Lesnar’s plans for Wrestlemania are going to be huge and he’ll need to look strong coming out of this match. After all it’s going to be hard for Brock to convince anyone that he should be next in line for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship if he loses to the Big Show right before hand.
WWE World Heavyweight Championship match:
Randy Orton vs. John Cena
I see Orton retaining to put this feud to rest. These two unified the titles together, fought over them, and now I think it’s time for them to finish it and move on. I imagine they’ll both be in the Elimination Chamber by the time it rolls around, but individually, I think it’s time for them to both go on to their own roads to Wrestlemania.
Daniel Bryan vs. Bray Wyatt
We already know that the WWE put this storyline on the fast track with Daniel Bryan turning on Wyatt so soon after turning to his side, so I’m really not sure that they’re really going to linger on his revenge. Therefore, I’m hoping and predicting that we’ll see a clean win for Daniel Bryan so he can leave this feud and go on to…
The Royal Rumble
For the winner of the main event, I’m predicting Daniel Bryan will come out at number 30 and go on to win the whole thing. Look, I get it. I know he’s not announced for the Rumble and he recently even said in an interview that Triple H doesn’t want him in it… but he’s just so over now and I believe that they turned him face again for a reason. And just so you know I’m not just saying this out of denial, I’ll also point out that there are not too many other real possibilities in the match. CM Punk seems firmly locked in to his feud with Triple H. Despite all the sheets claiming Batista’s going to win it, I think it’s too early in his comeback to throw him into the main event of such a huge Wrestlemania.
So anyway, that’s what I think is going to happen at the Rumble. My predictions always run a fine line between what I think will happen and what I want to happen. I guess it winds up being more like fantasy booking than predictions. But that’s what keeps me going as a wrestling fan, y’know? The hope that Bryan can win the Rumble. The hope that he’ll win the title at ‘Mania. And if enough of us believe it, maybe he will!
If anything’s sacred with Botched Spot, it’s Randy Orton week and my annual predictions. I’ve had a pretty crappy score when it comes to predicting things in the past, so let’s see how I did for 2013!
Verdict: Nope! While I think they’ve slipped a bit away from their rules against iffy curse words, like “ass” and “bastard”, there are still no evening gown matches or live sex celebrations. Ah, the good old days.
Prediction Two: Ric Flair returns to in ring wrestling for the WWE…
Verdict: Nope! This COULD have happened, but the ol’ Nature Boy had to go mouthing off at the WWE 2K14 press conference. I mean, really! Mouthing of about TNA at a WWE event! Unbelievable…
Prediction Three: TNA exploits Hogan’s sex life to draw in ratings…
Verdict: Aaaand no again! They could have! Lord knows they could’ve done something with him other than shoving out there every once in a while to shake his finger at Aces and Eights. And now he’s gone.
Well there’s another year of predictions down the drain! Looking back it seems so obvious, but at the start of 2013 it seemed like anything was possible. I’m not giving up, though. We’ll see how I do with 2014 in a year…
This past Sunday I returned to the Bored Wrestling Fan podcast to participate in their annual awards show, the BWF Awards! Last year I won the prestigious honor of being the IWC content of the year, so it was only fitting for me to return this year so I could sit through them all voting for someone else (to be fair though, I started it). I had a blast this time around though, so give it a listen over at their website. Due to car issues I was only able to show up for the second half, but give the whole show a listen, it’s worth it!