Bullet Club week (it didn’t start out as Bullet Club week) rounds off with a look at how Vince will see all this nonsense once he returns to power. I’ve been cynical and snarky about how Raw with Shane “in charge” has been about the same as every other Raw, but I suppose all of these wrestlers from other places getting involved with the WWE World Heavyweight Championship is a departure from the norm.
The first pay per view after Wrestlemania often feels like a weird mix of tying up loose ends, setting the course for Summerslam, and a little bit of throwing crap at the wall to see what sticks. While it’s strange that we’re only seeing one rematch from Wrestlemania at Payback, I guess it’s a good thing since I’m not sure anyone would sit through another AJ vs. Jericho match. While I think Payback has a lot of good matches on the card, it really shows how little WWE cares about their storytelling right now. Why hasn’t anyone even mentioned Triple H getting a rematch? Why does Nattie get a Women’s title shot instead of Sasha, who was screwed at Wrestlemania? Has Ryder really been written out of the Intercontinental Championship scene that fast? Let’s dive in to this Sunday’s event and take a closer look at what we’re dealing with.
Kalisto vs. Ryback for the US Championship
WWE has done next to nothing to promote this match and it makes for a sad, sorry situation for Kalisto and Ryback. Their Wrestlemania match was fun, if not groundbreaking, and I think they deserve more than just an off hand announcement about this match on Raw. It’s hard to pick a winner when so little has been put into this match, so I’ll just go with Kalisto for the win due to Ryback mouthing off about finding a different place to work a couple of weeks ago.
Who will win: Kalisto
Baron Corbin vs. Dolph Ziggler
Speaking of people losing because they talked about life after WWE, Ziggler will lose to Baron Corbin.
Who will win: Baron Corbin
Enzo Amore and Colin Cassady vs. the Vaudevillains (winner is the number one contender for the tag team titles)
Full disclosure: I only have one NXT shirt in my closet, and it features none other than Aiden English and Simon Gotch, the Vaudevillains. I am a fan. All the same, I can’t deny that they’ve received a poor (quiet) reception on Raw, and I think it’s because the average WWE fan doesn’t know how to react to the gimmick. I think the NXT fans are able to appreciate the goofy old-timey gimmick better than little kids and their drug-along parents, and I think if English and Gotch are going to have any success at this level they will need to tweak or update their gimmick a bit. Maybe something about moustaches and manliness? All that being said, I still think the Vaudevillains will win and go on to lose to the New Day. Enzo and Cass are red hot right now, and I don’t think WWE will rush them to the titles this quickly. I think the Dudleys will probably interfere, but hopefully we’ll see the Vaudevillains win with some sneaky underhanded tactics so people have a reason to boo them.
Who will win: The Vaudevillains
Charlotte (with Ric Flair) vs. Natalya (with Bret Hart) for the WWE Women’s Championship
Charlotte and Nattie’s match at NXT Takeover: The First One, was one of the best matches of 2014, and while I’m glad to see it happen again on a larger stage, I really don’t understand why Nattie gets this title shot over Sasha Banks. While I’m definitely looking forward to the match and it’s great to see Natalya get the spotlight again, it’s hard to look past Sasha Banks sitting on the sidelines.
Who will win: Charlotte
Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens
It’s great to see these two finally get a match together at a Pay Per View. A lot of people were hoping we’d see this match at Wrestlemania, but I think the extra time on screen has served Sami Zayn well, and given casual WWE fans a better idea of who he is. I’m hoping this match really puts Sami on the map because I think he could be a top babyface like Daniel Bryan was. He’s just so darn likable! I could go either way on who will win, but I guess I’ll go with Kevin Owens since WWE has invested more in him at this time.
Who will win: Kevin Owens
The Miz (with Maryse) vs. Cesaro for the Intercontinental Championship
My deep dark dirty shame is that I actually think Miz is a pretty good heel and I’m glad to see him back in the mix for the Intercontinental Championship. I’m glad to see Maryse back as his snooty wife too, as long as she keeps away from actually wrestling. Cesaro is well known as an underdog in WWE, and it’s great to see him getting a push, especially with his tear away suit. The man looks good in a suit! You can’t deny it. I think Miz will win, but it will be done in a way that will prolong this feud for at least another Pay Per View.
Who will win: The Miz
Dean Ambrose vs. Chris Jericho
Heel Jericho is officially back and he’s better than ever. While I know I should just sit back and enjoy this feud, I can’t help but wonder how long he’s actually going to stick around for. This smacks of one of Jericho’s short lived one-and-done feuds, like the ones he’s had with Bray Wyatt and Ziggler, which aren’t bad, but don’t feel like they matter a whole lot in the long run. It is fun to see how seriously Jericho takes “the Highlight Reel” and how offended he is when Ambrose clearly doesn’t care about the “Ambrose Asylum”, but at the same time I feel like it’ll be done in a week and we’ll never hear about it again.
Who will win: Ambrose. He has to win sometime!
Roman Reigns vs. AJ Styles for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
While I’ve no doubt that Roman will win, I’m still excited to see what kind of a match AJ will pull out of him. Roman can have some good matches depending on his opponent, and I think this match with AJ will be much more exciting than Roman’s 27 minute snoozefest with Triple H at Wrestlemania. Of course the real thing everyone’s excited about is Karl Anderson, Luke Gallows, and Finn Balor and if they will attack AJ or Roman. Personally I think Anderson and Gallows will turn on AJ by themselves with no Balor appearance, but I’ll be okay with being wrong too. While I’m extremely excited to see what happens with all that, I’ve no doubt that Roman will be holding onto the gold for a big ol’ feud with Cena.
Who will win: Roman Reigns
All in all I think the card for Payback looks really solid. All of the matches look really good and will hopefully provide a fun, light Pay Per View to wash away the seven hour marathon that was Wrestlemania. We’ll also see who Vince names as the new authority figure on Raw. I’m predicting he just appoints himself to that role, but maybe he’ll want to see if Stephanie can fall off a Hell in a Cell cage first to see if she wants the job as badly as Shane.
A few years ago it was announced that WWE gained US distribution rights and worldwide remake rights to a little known French wrestling comedy, “Les Reines Du Ring”, or, “Queens of the Ring” as it’s known in the states. Being one who likes wrestling, comedy, and movies, my interest was piqued. The advertisements claiming that it starred CM Punk, Eve Torres, and The Miz piqued my interest even more. So much so that three years later I decided to watch and review it.
Now my expectations for any wrestling movie start out pretty low. There aren’t a lot of wrestling movies to begin with, and the ones that are there usually involve as many dumb gross out gags as they do actual wrestling. …Okay, I guess I’m just describing “Ready to Rumble”. But WWE’s animated adventures with Scooby Doo and the Flintstones were a lot of fun and this was endorsed by the WWE around the same time those came out, so going into this movie I thought it might not be all bad. I was wrong.
“Queens of the Ring” starts off with Rose, a young woman fresh out of jail, beginning her new job at a grocery store where she meets a bunch of wacky, suicidal coworkers. Her first day on the job consists of her literally talking an employee down off a ledge because she’d grown too large for her work uniform. What kids movie doesn’t start off with a fat joke tied to attempted suicide? Her other co workers lead similarly miserable lives, such as Colette, whose husband is cheating on her and kids don’t respect her, Viviane, a butcher who wants to be liked despite constantly being told she’s ugly, and Jessica, who loves the only man in the movie who doesn’t want to sleep with her.
While you could build a predictable Lifetime movie off of any of those scenarios, this is a wrestling movie after all, and the squared circle takes center stage once Rose finds out that her estranged (and fairly jerky) son is a fan of WWE wrestling galas. That’s right, galas. Throughout the whole movie they don’t talk about wrestling shows, just galas, like people wear black ties and drink champagne. Rose convinces her friends to join her in wrestling training after showing them a clip of Eve Torres twerking over an opponent at “4 Way Finale” and telling them it’s a good way to lose weight and attract men.
Many montages are cued of wrestling training, which involves bouncing on hoppity hop balls across the beach, drinking shakes made of milk, eggs, and blood, and jumping on trampolines. Jumping on trampolines is a major part of their work out. Not to be outdone, there are also non-wrestling montages, complete with breathing in helium from balloons, dressing up as Lara Croft and accidentally shooting a gun, and Colette waiving her son’s lightsaber around his room, saying “Luke, I am your Mother, Darth Colette.” The real kicker though was Jessica walking down the street in a motorcycle helmet, causing an old man to somehow mistake her for a firefighter. He leads her outside of his smoke filled apartment building, where he convinces his bassett hound to jump out of the window. She’s supposed to catch it. She doesn’t. There you have it, a joke about a dog jumping to its death in the middle of this wrestling comedy. Nothing to do with wrestling. Nothing to do with comedy.
After a few breakups, reunions, and one pissing-on-a-duck contest, the Queens of the Ring end up in a wrestling gala where they take on their dreaded opponents, “the terrible lucha libre wrestlers from Mexico”. Actually that might not be their real name because they’re never given one! They’re referred to throughout the movie as “The Mexicans”, “The Lucha Libre”, and, more often than not, “The Tacos”. Plenty more jokes come in about turning them into Chili con carne too. Social justice apparently hasn’t made its way over to France.
As a kids movie, “Queens of the Ring” is pretty awful. I mean, it’s awful for anyone, but for a movie WWE marketed as family friendly, it features mature adult words like the “s” one and the “f” one and even shows some boobs in an impossibly unsexy locker room shower scene. A couple of the Queens even smoke pot. I watched the version on Netflix, so WWE may edit it at some point, but I would not recommend the movie that I watched to kids of any age. Honestly, it’s not just the “mature” content, but the movie is also boring at times and doesn’t feature a whole lot of wrestling. There’s plenty of humor about women being awkward and uncomfortable, but I just don’t know that it’s what kids want to see. Oh, and as far as featuring The Miz, CM Punk, and Diva Eve (as she’s called in the movie)? They’re just shown in brief clips when characters are watching TV. Not quite worth the top billing, in my opinion.
There are a few weird wrestling lessons packed throughout the movie too. The Queens’ gruff trainer yells at Rose early on for thinking that there are counters in wrestling. “It’s not Thai boxing!” he shouts, apparently unaware of wrestlers countering moves in every match ever. He also criticizes her for coming to him for training without any partners, so I guess having friends is a prerequisite for getting trained to wrestle in France. He also has no problems on directing the Queens through their first match right in front of a crowd of fans, including when people will tag in and out. And, in the main event of their one-card gala in the climax of the movie, the Queens wrestle the luchadors in what I can only guess was a Two out of Three Falls Tag Team Gauntlet match, as wrestlers entered the ring at random times and made several pinfalls.
“Queens of the Ring” wasn’t totally without merit. There was one scene I really liked where a young ballet student gave a pep talk to one of the Queens about how playing the heel in wrestling wasn’t a bad thing. Plenty of people enjoy villains like Darth Vader, Freddie, and the Terminator, the young dancer points out to Killie Billie, The Froggie Butcher. But yeah, that was pretty much it as far as things I liked in the movie.
On one hand, I appreciate that this movie tried something different by showing four women of varying ages try their hand at wrestling. The movie made sure to give time to all the different women to show that they had their own wants and desires. On the other hand, it really sucked. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that the translation and dubbing were also terrible. Not only was the voice acting bad, but all of the wrestling stuff read like it was written by an alien robot who had never heard of wrestling before. “Are you trying to do The Elbow Drop?” Rose asks her son at one point, as if elbow drops were an official copyrighted name.
If anything, I think “Queens of the Ring” is a fantasy movie for wrestlers. These women are able to gain a fanbase of hundreds after only working one match. Before their big match at the gala they’re treated to a locker room with leather furniture, robes, and champagne. They even have their own special feature on the news, highlighting each woman and what her thoughts are heading into their match. Not bad for working at a grocery store during the day and jumping on trampolines at night.
As I mentioned in my comic from Monday, I quickly switched from loving Wrestlemania 32 to hating it somewhere after the Womens Championship match. There was a lot to love at Wrestlemania, but by the end of it everything was buried underneath a pile of drawn out matches, Rock tearing down the Wyatts, and cheerleaders. One consistent element throughout almost the entire show was unpredictable endings, leading to me only having one right prediction for Wrestlemania, not counting the preshow. That’s a new low! I guess that should be considered good since it’s unpredictable, but many of the finishes felt flat.
My first few predictions for the preshow were actually spot on. Kalisto beat Ryback in a fun opening match. It was a little weird watching the match when most of the stadium was still empty, but the crowd that was there seemed invested in the whole thing. While I felt bad for Kalisto and Ryback being moved to the opening match during the preshow, they actually had a decent amount of time which may have not happened if they wrestled during the actual show.
I predicted Kalisto would win and I was right!
I also correctly predicted Team Total Divas beating B.A.D. and Blonde in their giant tag match. Brie picked up the win in what could be her last match, which was nice to see. Lana made her official in ring debut, which felt underwhelming despite it taking place right before the biggest show of the year. She only hit a few moves and taunted a few dozen times, but the real crime was wearing purple instead of Communist Russian Red (if that’s not a Crayola color, it should be).
I predicted Team Total Divas would win and I was right!
The Usos beat the Dudleys in a match I actually missed because the WWE Network kept screwing up. Thankfully I didn’t have any other problems with it, but for a minute there I was frantically switching between devices. I don’t really have an opinion on this match since I didn’t see it, but considering I haven’t gone back to watch it shows my opinion of it anyway.
I predicted the Usos would win and I was right!
Lita also came out to reveal the new WWE Womens Championship and that the divas will now be referred to as “superstars”. I found it a little funny that WWE treated this as them evolving with the times, because the Divas title has only been around since 2008 when they started dumping the Victorias and Molly Hollys of the division for the Kelly Kellys and Michelle McCools. It’s progress, but feels more like WWE trying to keep up with UFC and Ronda Rousey rather than a moral decision about what’s best for women. I guess I just feel like it could easily change back in a few years.
The actual Wrestlemania 32 show opened up with an amazing ladder match for the Intercontinental Championship. While I don’t really get the point of having Ryder win long after he was at his peak popularity, it felt good to see, especially when his dad celebrated in the ring with him. The match as a whole was great though, and I don’t remember seeing any major botches despite many high spots being performed. I was predicting and hoping Owens would win, but I can’t help being happy for Ryder! Even though he lost the title to Miz last night on Raw, he still had a career highlight that can never be taken away.
I predicted Kevin Owens would win and I was wrong!
Chris Jericho then beat AJ Styles in a solid match. It was actually really good, but considering everything else that happened at the show, it will most likely be remembered for Jericho winning despite losing to everyone else he feuds with. AJ’s loss reeks of Sting’s loss at last year’s ‘Mania, proving that someone who made a big name somewhere else can’t come in and win at WWE’s biggest show.
I predicted AJ Styles would win and I was wrong!
The New Day’s entrance in the next match was completely amazing. The weird blend of Dragon Ball Z cosplay and a giant cereal box filled with giant pieces of cereal was The New Day at their greatest (Rusev stomping through the cereal was a nice moment too). I was disappointed that The League (or the Lads?) won, although I don’t really think it will hurt New Day. I got the impression that the only reason they won was so Mick Foley, Stone Cold, and Shawn Michaels could come out and chase them off, followed by Austin giving Xavier a stunner. Normally I hate it when retired stars are shown to be stronger than active stars, but this was a fun segment for the show.
I predicted The New Day would win and I was wrong!
Brock soundly defeated Dean in the first real dud of the night. I don’t mind Brock winning, but for all of Dean’s build up as an unstoppable madman, he went down pretty quick. What really bothered me about this was WWE introducing the barbwire bat and chainsaw as storyline elements that never got to pay off. At least let Dean hit Brock with the blunt end! The whole match was a big disappointment and I hope both competitors quickly move on to other feuds.
I predicted Ambrose would win and I was wrong!
I’m not sure if Charlotte retained her old title or won a new one in her match against Becky Lynch and Sasha Banks, but either way she won. I really wish Sasha would have won because it would have been another great feel good moment for the show, but it will still be fun to see her chase the title. There was a lot of displeasure online over Ric holding Sasha back to help his daughter win, but it at least gives Sasha a good reason to challenge for the title again. To me this was easily the match of the night, with the only real competition coming from the ladder match.
I predicted Sasha would win and I was wrong!
This is where things, in my humble opinion, went downhill. Shane had a very shoot style match against the Undertaker, which I felt was weird for a forty something year old businessman. I hate to harp on this too much, but it really bothered me to see Shane, an inactive non-wrestler, trade submission holds with the biggest name in WWE. I was really expecting some kind of interference to happen, but we really got nothing in regards to Shane fighting for the control of Raw. You would think Vince, Stephanie, or Triple H would care in the slightest, but I guess they had full confidence in Undertaker. Also no payoff for Vince calling the Undertaker a bitch.
I foolishly predicted Shane would win and was totally wrong!
I just realized I completely forgot to mention Shane’s big bump. He took a big bump. Look, it takes a lot of courage to jump off the cell, but we all knew it was coming, we’ve seen it before, we’ve seen him jump off of higher things, so I just wasn’t as impressed with it as everyone else was.
I actually liked Baron Corbin winning the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal, and I hope he does more with it than Cesaro or Big Show did. I don’t love Baron, but I think he’s grown into his character a lot and I enjoyed his match at Takeover. I was really surprised to see Tatanka in the battle royal, because it’s Tatanka.
I predicted Braun Strowman to win and he wasn’t even in the match!
I enjoyed The Rock’s Wrestlemania appearance up until the Wyatts coming out to threaten him. As soon as the lights went out, live-twitterers went to work guessing what 6th grade insults Rock would throw at Bray, and were mostly right. Inbred? Check. Fat jokes? Check. Duck Dynasty? Check. Cracker Barrell? Maybe not, but as if verbally trashing the Wyatts wasn’t enough, he went on to defeat Eric Rowan in six seconds. Then Cena came out and the two of them bounced all the Wyatts all over the ring.
I didn’t know this match was even going to happen, so I had nothing to predict!
I’ll be honest, by the time the main event came around I’d had my fill of wrestling. Triple H’s entrance was pretty cool at least, with Stephanie handling most of the theatrics. I was finally spot on with a prediction, as Roman won with no swerves, turns, or interference. I don’t like it, but I admire WWE for seeing his forced push through to the bitter end.
I predicted Roman would win and I’m finally right! Hooray!
So after seven (SEVEN) hours, Wrestlemania was finally over. By the time Roman was holding the title high I had completely forgotten about the start of Wrestlemania, the part of the show that I actually enjoyed. I hope WWE learns from this and remembers next year that bigger isn’t always better. Rather than packing Wrestlemania with everything they have, how about reserving it for their best? I don’t think it was terrible, mostly just tiring, and there were ultimately still plenty of big moments to make this a decent Wrestlemania.
The first collection of Botched Spot comics, “Botched Spot, Volume One: No Selling Like A Champ” is in store now! In my store on Storenvy, that is. This volume collects the first year and a half-ish of comics, including all of the timely wrestling commentary from 2008/2009 and the adventures of my own characters, Olav Orlav and Rad Bad DeBone. This volume also contains exclusive creator commentary, as well as a rarely-before seen comic starring Olav’s arch nemesis, The Great Droopi! The book size is 8″x10″, 110 pages, and collects comics from “First Day” through “Olav’s Title History”. Please check it out here: botchedspot.storenvy.com/products/16391955-botched-spot-volume-1-no-selling-like-a-champ
This is it, the moment we’ve all waited for! Wrestlemania 32! A year’s worth of pro wrestling all culminating in one grand spectacle. Despite a pile of wrestlers being out with injuries, there are still a whopping eleven matches scheduled for the Showcase of the Immortals! So who will win big at the Grandaddy of them all? Who is most likely to come out on top at the Show of Shows? Am I just making some of these nicknames up? Let’s find out!
The Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Winners of TATGMBR have gone on to do amazing things, like win the tag titles and appear on Stone Cold’s podcast, so there’s tons of anticipation for this year’s edition! Honestly, I get the point of this match. It’s to get as many talents as possible on the Wrestlemania card! So while I can’t say I’m excited for it, I’ll at least try and be happy for the Ascension. As for who will win, well, the Wyatt Family has been cut in half due to injuries, so I’m guessing Big Red and Babyface Braun will be a dominant force in it, leading to Strowman picking up the win.
Who will win: Braun Strowman
The Usos vs. The Dudley Boyz
The WWE’s least silly tag teams duke it out in the preshow! Why? Because the Dudleys are tired of being seen as a table breaking nostalgia act, whereas the Usos just love to have fun and support their family! It doesn’t make a lot of sense, and it seems like there could’ve been a better story thrown into this other than Bubba and Devon occasionally picking on Roman Reigns. While it could go either way, most nostalgia acts have been brought back to put over younger talent (though the Usos have been around for six years), so I’m picking the Usos to win and go on to another year of being stale-ass babyfaces!
Who will win: The Usos
The Total Divas (Brie, Paige, Natalya, Alicia, and Eva) vs. B.A.D. and Blonde (Naomi, Tamina, Lana, Emma, and Summer Rae)
It’s hard to go against a team named after a show. Look, I haven’t been paying rapt attention to this feud, so I’m claiming ignorance on why Naomi and Summer, two former stars of “Total Divas”, are fighting against the actual Total Divas team. Maybe it’s because they’re not featured enough? I just don’t know. I’m glad they’re all getting to have this match, even if it’s not on the real show. In all of the excitement over Charlotte, Sasha, and Becky getting called up, these women definitely didn’t come out of the Divas Revolution looking too good, so it’s nice that they get a match with (hopefully) less of a chance of getting bumped.
Who will win: Total Divas
Kalisto vs. Ryback for the US Title
I’m not sure what’s going on with Ryback lately. While I don’t really think Ryan Reeves, the man behind the character, is phoning it in, it sure feels like the actual Ryback persona has gone from “big dumb guy” to “sorta aware of what’s going on, but not really concerned about it guy”. He’s just rambling about superhero movies and junk. I hope when the bell rings Ryback kicks it into an aggressive high gear, dominating most of the match. I think Kalisto’s a great talent though, and ultimately I see him pulling out a win, setting him up to be the WWE’s next big mask salesman.
Who will win: Kalisto
And it’s Time for the Actual Start of the Show
The New Day vs. The League of Nations in a four on three Handicap Match
The WWE’s silliest teams duke it out on the main show! Initially this match was for the Tag Team titles, but I guess that was changed after WWE realized that no one would believe the League had a shot at winning them. I was a bit harsh on this feud in my last bout of predictions, and I’ll admit that all of the goofiness is entertaining, but I just wish there was just the tiniest hint of a storyline involved in this long running feud. When The League was first formed The New Day was celebrating beside them and now they’re fighting each other! Why? Because… New Day Rocks? I’m hoping WWE pulls out all the stops for The New Day entrance though, maybe with a marching band full of Francescas.
Who will win: The New Day
Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder (thanks, Neville!), vs. Sin Cara vs. The Miz vs. Stardust
When the Money in the Bank ladder match was moved from Wrestlemania to its own Pay Per View back in 2010, I definitely mourned its loss. While having a giant cluster of a ladder match for the Intercontinental Championship isn’t quite the same, it still gives Wrestlemania a match that feels special and lets a bunch of wrestlers get involved with it. I think this match will be amazing though, and I can’t wait to see how Owens wins it. While I suppose someone else could win, most of the other guys in the match are either damaged goods or haven’t proven themselves on the main roster yet (okay, maybe that only applies to Sami).
Who will win: Kevin Owens
AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho
While not everyone I know is a big fan of this feud, I’ve really enjoyed the whole thing, from their begrudging friendship all the way to Jericho’s heel turn. I love heel Jericho. Love it. I definitely would’ve prefered to see some wrinkle added to this tenth (twelfth? Fourth?) match of theirs, like a stipulation or a third person, seeing that it’s another singles match makes me even more interested to see how they change it up. There is little doubt in my mind that AJ will win, setting him off on a good path for his WWE career.
Who will win: AJ Styles
Charlotte (with her dad) vs. Becky Lynch vs. Sasha Banks
I’ve been hoping for this match ever since the three of them were called up, and now that it’s finally here, I couldn’t be happier. I just can’t believe WWE didn’t shoehorn a Bella into it or turn it into a tag team match. I’m looking through Wikipedia to try and find the last time the Divas title was even defended at Wrestlemania, and it looks like the only other time in the last ten years was at Wrestlemania 30 in a quick “Vickie Guerrero Invitational”. Before that it was all giant battle royals or ten person tag matches. So yeah, this triple threat is kind of a big deal. I’m really hoping it gets plenty of time and Sasha comes out of it looking like a boss.
Who will win: Sasha Banks
Dean Ambrose vs. Brock Lesnar in a No Holds Barred Match
I really like Dean and I’m growing fond of Brock, but I’m just not sure how this match is going to work out. Dean’s going to bring all of these weapons with him, but then won’t Brock be able to use them too? Also I think even Jojo would have a pretty decent shot at beating Brock Lesnar if he was bare handed and she had a chainsaw. Honestly I could see this match going either way, but ultimately Dean is poised to become one of the WWE’s major stars in the future, and honestly the loss wouldn’t hurt Brock any, so I think Dean will be able to win, chainsaw or no.
Who will win: Dean Ambrose
Shane McMahon vs. The Undertaker for control of Raw (if Shane wins) and for the Undertaker’s career (if Shane wins) and for Shane’s lineage as a McMahon (if Undertaker wins) and, oh yeah, it’s in a Hell in a Cell
I really want to see the last five minutes of this match. The rest of it I don’t really care about. I don’t need to see twenty minutes of Undertaker beating the crap out of Shane as the announcers gush over how determined Shane is to win. I don’t need to see Shane getting the advantage on Undertaker, finding moments to beat him down despite being a middle aged businessman. Look, when I have issues with part timers who at least still train and stay in shape like The Rock and The Undertaker, I definitely have a real problem with a part timer who trains in MMA a couple of months before his fight and suddenly can go toe to toe with one of the biggest names in wrestling.
I am really interested in the result though, especially since there are so many rumors about a brand split. What I think will happen is Vince and Steph will be gloating at ringside when Taker and Shane realize that they should be fighting them instead (plot of every superhero vs. superhero story ever). The problem is that in wrestling you need a winner and a loser and in this case I think Undertaker will purposefully lose to Shane, screwing over Vince in the process. I have a really hard time imagining Taker losing, but an even harder time imagining all of these stipulations based around Shane winning not paying off.
Who will win: Shane McMahon
Roman Reigns vs. Triple H for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
I’m just writing predictions about Wrestlemania and this show has already worn me out! I’m not sure how Triple H and Roman will entertain the fans after sitting through five or so hours of wrestling (including preshow matches and fanfare). Even though Shane vs. Undertaker has higher stakes, I still think this match will end the show. It’s for the title AND it has the next John Cena in it, so, yeah, it’s pretty important. As for who will win, it’s obviously Roman. I don’t really predict any swerves, turns, double turns, or anything else- I think WWE is going to stay the course the same way they did when Triple H put over Cena at Wrestlemania 22.
Who will win: Roman Reigns
So that’s Wrestlemania 32! While many have said that this looks like a terrible Wrestlemania, I’m still looking forward to several things, like the Divas Championship match, the ladder match, seeing if there is a brand split, Dean vs. Brock, AJ vs. Jericho, and hopefully The New Day riding out on unicorns. The main event, not so much, but I won’t let it ruin the rest of the show for me.