After extensive research, I have found that I am the first person to ever draw a skinny Samoa Joe. I hope that fact finds its way into my obituary some day. Finding out that TNA will now be featured on Destination America is a little like someone surviving a car crash to wind up in a coma. Yes it’s good, far better than not being on the air at all, but who actually watches Destination America? I know I don’t have it and I’m not going to pay extra just for one wrestling show (I’m not enticed by any of their other shows like “Ghost Stalkers”, “A Haunting”, “Ghost Asylum”, or “Amish Haunting” either). I’ll probably keep up with it through other means, but it’s not like snarkily tweeting about Impact a few days after it airs will help with their ratings or awareness any.
Another month, another pay per special event. At one point in time, the Hell in a Cell match was used as a way to blow off feuds. Now matches are forced into it as a way to sell PPV buys. Actually, it makes perfect sense for Rollins vs. Ambrose and WOULD make perfect sense for Cena vs. Lesnar after the cop out ending to Night of Champions, but y’know, the WWE Champion can only be expected to work so many dates. Let’s dive in!
Brothers vs. Brothers: Gold and Stardust vs. The Usos
Since the Rhodeseses JUST won the tag titles I don’t think they’re losing them now. I haven’t really bought in fully to the Dust Bros., and while I appreciate that the tag division now has a) tag teams that b) actually have team names and dress alike, this feud hasn’t really grabbed my interest. Gold and Stardust for the win.
Sister vs. Sister: Brie vs. Nikki
I’m actually really torn on this one. While I think it would be strange to see Brie (a face) bossing around Nikki (a heel) for a month, Brie hasn’t really been the classic white-meat babyface. For one thing, she can barely have a conversation without calling someone a “bitch”. I think it’s going to be a better storyline to have Nikki bossing around Brie, with Brie rebelling wherever she can, so I’ll pick Nikki to win.
Singles Title Defense 1: Sheamus vs. Miz
While I haven’t really gotten that into the whole Mizdow act, I know it’s catching on with a lot of other fans, leading me to believe Miz will win. I feel like Sheamus has NO HEAT right now and needs something else to boost his career. Maybe a heel turn? Yes, I think a heel turn.
Singles Title Defense 2: Ziggler vs. Cesaro in a Two out of Three Falls match
This is one of the few matches I’m really looking forward to on the show. I’m a little worried that it will be rushed and we’ll wind up seeing the champ getting pinned within the first five minutes, but I imagine it’ll be entertaining nonetheless. It’s tough to predict a winner, but I guess I’ll go with Ziggles to retain.
The Bulgarian Bulldozer vs. That Oversized Flag Yanker
I’ve no doubt that Rusev will dominate Big Show and continue on his path to bigger and better things (Cena). I imagine that Mark Henry might use this as an opportunity to turn heel, and I can’t really blame him after Show’s talk to him about how he’s not big enough to shoulder the American spirit. I mean, he literally said that in front of hundreds of people! I know I’d be pissed if someone talked down to me like that.
Alicia Fox, featuring AJ vs. Paige for the Diva’s Title
Paige is joining Total Deevs now, so no titles for her! I know Steph denied that the Total Divas cast members were banned from winning the title in a recent interview, but the reasoning behind the rule (Vince doesn’t want viewers to be confused about the time gap between the current shows and when Total Divas airs) sounds WWE crazy enough to be true. I’m also predicting AJ to win because I’m a little tired of this feud and ready for her to move on to other things (like Charlotte Flair).
Hell in a Cell: Seth Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose
First off I want to say that I don’t think this match will be the main event. While I personally look forward to this match way more than the other cell match, and it has had much better buildup (aside from Abrose tearing apart manniquins), Cena and Orton are FAR bigger names and are fighting for number one contendership- the closest this pay per view is getting to the title. That being said, this feud actually deserves the cell, and I can’t wait to see what Rollins and Ambrose come up with. I think Ambrose will win the match, leading to more dissension in the Authority.
Hell in a Cell: John Cena vs. Randy Orton
I’m going out on a limb and suggesting that Orton will win. I want Orton to win. My prediction is based on how many times Cena has faced Lesnar recently, and while there was never a definitive end to their Night of Champions match, I think it’s time for someone else to face The Beast.
So that’s Hell in a Cell. You’d think the other singles titles would’ve raised in importance at this show given that the WWE title won’t even be there, but based off the card it doesn’t look like it. To be honest, I was fairly disappointed with Night of Champions, ESPECIALLY the ending, so I’m not super excited for this show. I hope to be proven wrong, but WWE has to up their game to keep this Network subscriber subscribin’.
…Well I’ll probably keep subscribing no matter what, but I still hope this show’s half way decent.
I’m back from break! Specifically, I’m back from Japan! The missus and I had been saving up to visit the Land of the Rising Sun for a long time now (five years to be exact), and last week we finally got to make the trip. We actually travelled with a tour group, Japan Deluxe Tour, and it was really awesome. We started off in Osaka, then went to Kyoto, Nara, Iga, a bunch of other places I can’t pronounce, and, of course, Tokyo. We mostly went because of our love of manga, anime, and Japanese video games, but were able to see a lot of different sides of the country and the Japanese culture. Highlights included going to the Iga Ninja museum, going to the Ghibli Museum (a museum that’s all about Studio Ghibli films), visiting a Maid Cafe and going to the crazy electronic shops and arcades in Akihabara, including playing a game that involved flipping a table in order to win.
As big as wrestling is in Japan, I didn’t see much there, either in terms of actual wrestling or any merchandise. I did ask our tour guide about it though and she confirmed for me that professional wrestling was loved by many Japanese people of all ages. When I asked her if she watched, she said that she was only really into it when one extremely popular, extremely good looking wrestler was active. An American who looked fierce when he was in the ring, but pretty when he was out of it. “Who was it?!” I asked. “The Rock? Ric Flair? …Marc Mero?”
“No,” she answered. “Bob Sapp.” Our driver later confirmed that Bob Sapp was the man when it came to wrestling. I was actually a little disappointed that I never saw any TNA wrestlers there, especially since I was flying out the day after their Bound for Glory PPV. I never saw any advertisements for it either, but I read that it was a well attended show, so maybe they just don’t promote in places I went to.
Anyway, I’m glad people enjoyed the reprinted comics from years past! Thanks for the positive comments on all of them. I figured that would be more entertaining than just posting a graphic of “See ya in two weeks!” so I’m glad it paid off.
So after months of me bragging over and over again about being pretty darn good at predicting WWE Pay Per Special Events, I really took it on the chin with Summerslam. That being said, it was one of the more enjoyable PPV’s I’ve seen in a LONG time. However, I’ve got a feeling that NOC will be a return to safe predictable booking, what with it being an in-between show and all. I’m sure there will be some matches worth seeing, but my hype for this show is built more around having an excuse to have pizza and beer rather than wrestling. On to the predictions!
In What Will Probably be the Pre Show: Sheamus vs. Cesaro for the US Title.
To be honest, I actually had to look up who the US champion is before writing about this match. I actually wonder whether or not this match would even be on the show if it wasn’t “Night of Champions” where every title must be defended. That being said, I’m sure Sheamus will retain his title in a short, but decent match.
The Usos vs. Dusty’s Creepy Kids for the Tag Titles.
I could really go either way on this one, so I’ll pick the Usos because I still think they’ll hold onto the belts until The Ascension debuts and beats them (which could come at any time now that they dropped the NXT titles to the Lucha Dragons). As far as the Dust Busters go, I appreciate the fact that they are a tag team that looks and acts similarly (as in not two guys thrown together) but at the same time I’m just getting annoyed by it. Stardust is really getting on my nerves and I feel like they’re always a little too close to making out.
Dolph Ziggler (as played by R-Truth) vs. The Miz (as played by Damien Sandow) for the IC Title.
The feud between these two wresters has been pretty good so far, and while I feel like they’ve gone a bit to far by adding R-Truth as Ziggler’s permanent stunt double, it doesn’t bother me that much. As I said with Summerslam, I’ve really enjoyed Miz’s return to being a heel lately, and he plays off of Ziggler well. I’m predicting Ziggler will win as a result of some failed Sandow interference, leading to some confrontation between him and Miz.
Chris Jericho’s Fozzy Schedule vs. his WWE schedule (with Randy Orton!)
One of my favorite things about wrestling is seeing how characters develop, new guys transform into stars, and storylines change over time. With a match like this though, I don’t really feel like either wrestler is going to get anything out of it and that makes it hard for me to care about it all that much. I’m sure it will still be a solid match and all, with Orton beating Jericho with a violent finish that will leave him out for the length of a Fozzy tour, but I doubt it will be anything memorable.
The Bellas Invade The Divas Title Scene, featuring AJ and Paige
In the safest bet of the night I’m predicting that Nikki Bella will win the title so she can feud with Brie over it. I don’t hate the Bellas as much as most, so I’m not all up in arms about this change. And actually, given the couple of run ins AJ’s had with Stephanie over the last few months, I’m hoping that we’ll see those two have a match sooner or later.
Rusev vs. ‘Murica, part 42
I’m glad that they’re putting so much effort into this feud, but I think we all know that Rusev’s going to win in the end. I kind of feel like Henry’s just the latest warm body for Rusev to topple in his quest to face Cena, so no amount of flag waiving can really get me behind Mark for this one.
Roman Reigns vs. his Hernia (with Seth Rollins)
While it’s a shame that Reigns is injured and won’t be able to compete, we did just see him beat Rollins definitively last Monday, so it’s not like we really missed out on this match. Given that they just had this match on Raw I didn’t think we’d see a clean ending, so now I think this time will probably be used to bring Ambrose back to resume his feud with Seth.
Brock Lesnar vs. his Suplex Dummy
While I don’t think Cena will suffer as great of a beat down as he did at Summerslam, he’ll definitely still lose this match. Cena’s talked a lot in the last month about how he’ll come back and beat Lesnar, but I’m still not exactly sure why that is. Because he’ll try harder? As in he wasn’t trying hard already? He says he has to be John Cena for all the kids out there who believe in him, which makes me believe (Bo-lieve?) that he’ll follow up with a feud with Lana, who will refer to him as a failed American hero. Brock will go out to his secret hideout in a cornfield until the Royal Rumble.
So there you have it. Other than Cena vs. Lesnar, this card looks like it would be right at home on any episode of Raw, which tells you how I feel about it. I’m sure a segment or two featuring the Bunny and his handler, Adam Rose, will sneak in there and maybe we’ll get Bo vs. Swagger. And how’s Wyatt not on this show? Anyway, it’s still worth the $9.99 per month to me (y’know, alongside all of the other content they have that’s much, much better, like NXT and Nitro).
One week and several entries later, it’s time to announce the winner of the RKO Comic Contest! There were lots of hilarious submissions and it was a difficult choice to make, but the winner is…
by WookieeCookie D.!
(You’ll probably need to click to see the whole comic)
While the RKO Pictures joke was funny in its own right, this one really won me over with the little details like Randy peeping over at the end and the $9.99 that Randy had earned (is that even possible in Jeopardy?). But again, there were several hilarious comics and it was not an easy decision to make.
So congratulations to WookieCookie D. and thanks to all who participated! Maybe we’ll do it again next year?
All things must come to an end, and thusly, Randy Orton Week is over. We’ve had some fun, we’ve played with some dolls, solved some mysteries. It’s been good. And Randy Orton will live on… next Monday when I announce the winner of the Very RKO Comic Contest! To be honest, originally I was going to make the deadline Thursday night and announce the winner today, but that really wouldn’t allow for much time, SO the deadline is Saturday night and the winner is announced Monday. There have been some great submissions so far, so make sure to check back then!